Hey, it’s Katherine! This question stumped me for a little while as to what to write. It is a question filled with hope and ideas for a better future and yet it is so grounded in our daily reality. I believe that people can under certain circumstances can in fact change. But it is always a choice, a conscious decision, that when made has to be worked at.
Our the past couple of months I have moved out of my mother’s house and I am now living in my fathers living room. It’s not all bad – I have a bed now! But over this time I think that I have changed a lot. It hasn’t been a dramatic transformation over three days: the kind you often see in movies. But a slower more gradual shift towards independence and adulthood. I have a lot more freedom at my father’s house than I did at my mother’s but that doesn’t mean the situation has changed in my favour.
My dad is not particularly emotionally intelligent. It pains me to say that on quite a regular basis I have to help this forty-something-year-old man with his love life and interpersonal relationships. I love him to pieces but I wish he could change.
I wonder if wishing that people could change is, in fact, more of a hindrance to the relationship you have with them. So often people will talk about their partners with so much joy and delight apart from that one little thing or maybe even the one big thing that they wish they could change. I believe in an 80/20 rule for almost everything in life. People will only be able to change about 20% over a given period of time you are kind of stuck with the other 80. I have certain standpoints about change which is that if you can’t change something then you need to accept it, and if you can’t accept it then you need to let it go. This rule is probably the best analogy I have for my relationship with my mother; she would not change to fit me growing up and I couldn’t change to fit her whims and wishes so we had to part ways.
I hope that at some point in the future we will both have changed enough to address our relationship as different people. But I can only hope.
Okay, that’s it for today, let me know if you think that people can change or if you have experienced people changing in your life.
Until tomorrow x Katherine x